ASK MILLIE

Are you a good date?

good date 3

I’m back, it’s that time again for Ask Millie, better known as the Black Dear Abby.  Here is the relationship question of the week.  Abigail from Virginia has been going out on dates but not getting a second date. Her question was simply to ask if she was a good date.  So in honor of that, this article is appropriately titled: How to be a great date!!!  Ladies, I have come up with ten ways that you can be a great date that will almost guarantee you a follow-up date.

Ten Ways to Be a Great Date

I know that first dates can and are intimidating.  It can be filled with awkward moments and uncertainty, luckily, I have ten great tips that you can keep in mind that will almost guarantee you a second date.

I truly believe that when it comes to dating, most of us worry about the wrong things: Will he laugh at any of my jokes? Will he be impressed by my job or be intimidated? Did he notice that two of my hairs is not behaving?  The simple truth is: our attempts to make a good impression frequently backfires. I believe anyone can become an expert–of sorts–at dating, it will just take a simple attitude shift.  Being a good date is not about impressing men, it is honestly about coming up or creating ways to make it more enjoyable for you. If you are having a good time, then you will be a good date.

Let us examine the ways that you can be a good date:

#1. Try doing something you would enjoy with or without your dream date – If there is a movie that you have been itching to see, a new restaurant that you are interested in trying, or a museum exhibit that you want to check out, a date is a great excuse to get yourself there. If you do something you have always wanted to do anyway, then you cannot lose. This will make you a better date because you are having fun.

#2. Involve your body as well as your mind – Now, if the thought of coming up with several hours of conversation with a new man gives you hives, suggest a sporty activity like miniature golf, bowling, pool, or even just going for a walk. If you are in an activity that is physical you won’t feel the pressure to keep up a nonstop conversation. Moreover, you will have some natural opportunities to flirt with good-natured competition and gentle teasing.  Now, please do not choose anything that puts you on the spot or challenges you i.e. do not go bungee-jumping for the first time in your life.

#3. Just go with the flow – Let us see, if your waiter is snotty, the chicken is rubbery, or the table doesn’t afford a grand view of the kitchen, don’t fret.  Many mishaps happen on dates, but you’ll make a far better impression if you simply roll with the punches than if you demonstrate your distaste for any of the scenarios I just mentioned.  You are not harshly compromising your principles if you don’t speak out about the mediocre service. The plan is to suck it up and maybe eat your wings that are not that hot.  This is a date “fopaux”, I have not yet learned to do yet, smh.

#4. I have said this before, date as many men as possible – Back in the day, you had to rely on fate to get a date — you needed to go to a party, or a meet someone at work, or find friends to fix you up.  The Internet has changed all that. Shameful Plug – www.lunchmaybedinner.com.

Now anyone with access to a computer can line up a full schedule of dates in no time. So by subscribing to a dating service, and by going out with a lot of men, you will naturally become more comfortable with the process. Moreover, you will also find that you will lower the stakes. When you go out with a different man every week, you will not feel the pressure for each one to be the love of your life. So Trenton didn’t work out?  Big whoop—you are seeing Shane next week.

 #5. Ask the questions he would just Love to answer – What do you ask after you ask what he does for a living? I suggest asking him these knock-out follow-ups like: What made you decide to be an Accountant? or what are the most annoying questions you get asked? What brought you to this city? These types of questions can help bring the conversation to a deeper level. However, I advise you against contrived questions like:  Would you rather be a cloud or a tree?  It puts people on the spot and makes them feel like you are waiting for a specific answer. You also want to avoid job-interview questions like “Where do you see yourself in five years?” The point is to make him feel comfortable, not put him to the test.

#6. Ensure you have “good-date karma” – No matter how dismal a date is, always be polite and always try to stick it out until the end. After all, you don’t want to get a reputation of being someone who mistreats men. There is such a thing as floating dating karma. If you are a good date, good dates will come to you in a nonlinear way.

#7. Check your bill-paying etiquette – It is fine to split the bill, but don’t whip out a calculator and tell him he owes more because he had the soup. It is also fine to let him pay–you can always pay on the next date. However, you should never expect him to pay.  This again is one of those dating “fopaux’s”, I have not adhered to yet.

#8. Please leave your troubles at the door. A first or second date is not the time to discuss your cheating ex-boyfriend, your alcoholic mother, or your psycho boss. You do not have to whitewash your life, but you can be honest and self-deprecating without plunging into the darkest depths of your soul. Telling the truth and complaining are two different things. If you are miserable at your job and hate going every day, then that’s not a good conversation. But if you say, here is what’s bothering me in my job, and here’s what I want to do about it.

#9. Stay informed – If you have got a big date coming up, make a point to stay in tune with national or city events–it will give you something to talk about after you’ve told each other how many brothers and sisters you have. It’s not that you have to study for your date — if you never read the paper, you don’t have to read every article in the business section — but don’t let this be the day you don’t read the paper.  You don’t want to miss out on what could be a great conversation.

#10. Wear something he’ll love to touch – Skin-tight jeans, too-short skirts, and spilling cleavage can send a message that you’re trying too hard, but a soft cashmere sweater or velvet tank top will make him yearn to come close.

In conclusion, you need to think about the little things that will mean a lot on that first date; it appears first impressions are formed very quickly!

 

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Millie Holmes can be reached by email at millieinthecitymatch@yahoo.com or on Social Media:

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Millie in the City, relationships, singles, modern day cupid, dating, black dear abby, Lunch maybe Dinner, Relationship Consultant, communication, courting

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Millie Holmes

19 Comments

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  • Now this is very interesting mmmmm great article Millie

  • Cassie Gainey II Now this is a great article Millie Holmes

  • Cassie Gainey II I don’t even date Millie Holmes but if I did I would be an excellent date. I have great conversations, am very approachable, and funny as well as sexy and am always on time… smile emoticon

  • Cassie Gainey II I would say that you are. You have a great personality
    Like · Reply · Just now
    Millie Holmes
    Millie Holmes Thank you Cassie Gainey II

  • Comment form K: I have some great dates over the years…probably should’ve gotten married years ago, but I was a serial dater. I enjoyed meeting new people and having a great time. I only had to leave one person in the restaurant, but we’re still cool. I rarely have one date and never see the person again. By the time I go out with a man, we’ve had a lot of conversation. Some men like the fact I’m free and love to have fun.

  • Unfortunately a lot of men don’t seem to marry fun…lol
    Like · Reply · 1 · 8 mins

  • Lady K said: The article is awesome…men I’ve dated seem to like women to be feminine which I love to be. But my challenge is men on a budget. I want to eat & drink without worrying about it, so I’ve offered to pay in a few cases. I’m finding men dont like that too much, so I’m challenged with eating on a budget.

  • Cassie said: Gurrrrl lmbo am with u on that one. But, I haven’t had that issue yet lol. Now, when I did date it was with very wealthy men and they weren’t stingy at all on nothing

  • Lady K said: I date men because I like them a lot and I’m not worried about ftheir inances. But I don’t want to be on a budget on a date or vacation. I have dated some who I could order whatever, but chemistry wasn’t there so it has to be a good balance for me to keep dating a man.

  • I guess that’s why I don’t go on as many dates as I used to… I might be a tad bit high maintenance for some. But that is why I just offer to pay my share. Although I’m hearing that can be a turn ff for some men. Well, crying broke is a turnoff for me. I’m not sure where the balance is anymore and I’m VERY tired! I just need my equal so we can be a power couple team and keep life moving…LOL
    Like · Reply · Just now

  • Cassie Gainey II I totally agree with you. And I dont worry about the finances either but the wealthy men is who are attracted to me. The ones who are not feel intimidated by me because of my status and what I do. I prefer the man to get to know me instead of assuming. Am just a southern bell who knows what she wants and I dont place people beneath me.
    Like · Reply · Just now
    Millie Holmes

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  • Unlike · Reply · 2 · 2 mins
    Cassie Gainey II
    Cassie Gainey II Lmbo lawrd lmbo stopppp!!! But I understand
    Unlike · Reply · 2 · 1 min
    K Lowery Moore
    K Lowery Moore LOL!!! I make a good salary, but I can spend some money LOL….. My dad raised me to never focus on money because all the money in the world doesn’t necessarily make you HAPPY!!! My dad was a landscaper, so naturally that is what I think of when I think of the kind of man I should be with. I could be wrong.

  • Millie Holmes Well as for me, I dont get to date very often because of what I do as well as nobody seems to want to date anymore.. I will say the last date I went on was absolutely amazing.
    Like · Reply · 2 · 3 mins
    K Lowery Moore
    K Lowery Moore I dated a lot when I was going to poetry events and book events… I’m thinking I need to be around artsy men to find love. We’ll see!!

  • Cassie Gainey II Well am just working my career am still modeling professionally am working as a Producer for Dreamworks and TPN and still acting and freelance writing for some major magazines. The men are there but I don’t have time for the drama or games. But there is someone but he ain’t ready lol
    Like · Reply · 1 · 1 min
    K Lowery Moore
    K Lowery Moore that’s always the case for me….lol, but if he isn’t ready, then I have to keep it moving… life is too short for all this nonsense!

  • Lady K: I’m about to build my brand, but as busy as I am… I prefer love at the end of the day. But just because I don’t have it, I can’t put my life on hold waiting for men to be secure and ready. I just don’t get it…smh
    Like · Reply · Just now

  • Darryle A. Carter If my comment means anything, what I have discovered is that women have a personal preference of the type of man that they are looking for. If the man does not fit that mold, they are not interested. The man can be the perfect gentleman, a good provider and a protecter of his women but he’s not the right height and you walk away. Then find the dumbest reasons no to attempt to see if something is there.
    Like · Reply · Just now
    K Lowery Moore
    K Lowery Moore that is some women…I vibe with chemistry and that range from tall to short, light to dark!!! I don’t have a type, but if the chemistry is not there, it won’t work!
    Like · Reply · Just now

  • Millie Holmes You better say it Darryle A. Carter lol but I absolutely agree with K Lowery Moore, if there is no chemistry then its a no-go
    Like · Reply · Just now
    K Lowery Moore
    K Lowery Moore Darryle A. Carter, I don’t think most men are okay with being with a woman who is not attracted to them. I’ve dated men who I liked as a person, but no chemistry/attraction at all…so I’m not sure if that is the start of a good situation.

  • Sharon Berry Being a single mom of younger kids at the time, I had to be careful dating after my divorce. I was married for 16 years and had no idea how real the struggle had become in the dating world. For me, I didn’t have the adventure of dating lots of different people. I was looking to date with a purpose with no tolerance for bullshit. For the men I did date, I think I came across as a “Good Date”. They always asked me out again. The key was being myself. At 40+, I had no time to play mind games or waste time with small talk. I could laugh out loud until I snorted (which actually happened on a date with my fiance!), order whatever I wanted on the menu (no salad eaters over here!), and be honest about my intentions (if you are just looking for sex and a good time, buh-bye). I am recently engaged (YAY) and we have continued to “date” throughout our entire courtship. We try to have a Date Night 3-4 a month to reconnect and decompress from both of our busy lives (both business owners/both single parents). We always have a good time. I’d say successful dating should include honesty, lightheartedness, and a sense of humor.

    K Lowery Moore
    K Lowery Moore That is awesome!! I think much of life is about timing… You found someone who wanted what you wanted and is on the same page. That is VERY important!!! smile emoticon
    Like · Reply · 3 mins
    K Lowery Moore
    K Lowery Moore or I should say….he found you! smile emoticon

  • K Lowery Moore I wrote about my dating and love situations in my novels…I can’t wait until they become movies. That is my ultimate goal to see my story on the big screen. Not many men have supported my dreams and my career when I’ve supported them, sooooo it is wha…See More
    Like · Reply · 1 · 20 mins
    Cassie Gainey II
    Cassie Gainey II Lol u like it then I love it lol