I’m back, it’s that time again for Ask Millie, better known as the Black Dear Abby. Here is the relationship question of the week. Abigail from Virginia has been going out on dates but not getting a second date. Her question was simply to ask if she was a good date. So in honor of that, this article is appropriately titled: How to be a great date!!! Ladies, I have come up with ten ways that you can be a great date that will almost guarantee you a follow-up date.
Ten Ways to Be a Great Date
I know that first dates can and are intimidating. It can be filled with awkward moments and uncertainty, luckily, I have ten great tips that you can keep in mind that will almost guarantee you a second date.
I truly believe that when it comes to dating, most of us worry about the wrong things: Will he laugh at any of my jokes? Will he be impressed by my job or be intimidated? Did he notice that two of my hairs is not behaving? The simple truth is: our attempts to make a good impression frequently backfires. I believe anyone can become an expert–of sorts–at dating, it will just take a simple attitude shift. Being a good date is not about impressing men, it is honestly about coming up or creating ways to make it more enjoyable for you. If you are having a good time, then you will be a good date.
Let us examine the ways that you can be a good date:
#1. Try doing something you would enjoy with or without your dream date – If there is a movie that you have been itching to see, a new restaurant that you are interested in trying, or a museum exhibit that you want to check out, a date is a great excuse to get yourself there. If you do something you have always wanted to do anyway, then you cannot lose. This will make you a better date because you are having fun.
#2. Involve your body as well as your mind – Now, if the thought of coming up with several hours of conversation with a new man gives you hives, suggest a sporty activity like miniature golf, bowling, pool, or even just going for a walk. If you are in an activity that is physical you won’t feel the pressure to keep up a nonstop conversation. Moreover, you will have some natural opportunities to flirt with good-natured competition and gentle teasing. Now, please do not choose anything that puts you on the spot or challenges you i.e. do not go bungee-jumping for the first time in your life.
#3. Just go with the flow – Let us see, if your waiter is snotty, the chicken is rubbery, or the table doesn’t afford a grand view of the kitchen, don’t fret. Many mishaps happen on dates, but you’ll make a far better impression if you simply roll with the punches than if you demonstrate your distaste for any of the scenarios I just mentioned. You are not harshly compromising your principles if you don’t speak out about the mediocre service. The plan is to suck it up and maybe eat your wings that are not that hot. This is a date “fopaux”, I have not yet learned to do yet, smh.
#4. I have said this before, date as many men as possible – Back in the day, you had to rely on fate to get a date — you needed to go to a party, or a meet someone at work, or find friends to fix you up. The Internet has changed all that. Shameful Plug – www.lunchmaybedinner.com.
Now anyone with access to a computer can line up a full schedule of dates in no time. So by subscribing to a dating service, and by going out with a lot of men, you will naturally become more comfortable with the process. Moreover, you will also find that you will lower the stakes. When you go out with a different man every week, you will not feel the pressure for each one to be the love of your life. So Trenton didn’t work out? Big whoop—you are seeing Shane next week.
#5. Ask the questions he would just Love to answer – What do you ask after you ask what he does for a living? I suggest asking him these knock-out follow-ups like: What made you decide to be an Accountant? or what are the most annoying questions you get asked? What brought you to this city? These types of questions can help bring the conversation to a deeper level. However, I advise you against contrived questions like: Would you rather be a cloud or a tree? It puts people on the spot and makes them feel like you are waiting for a specific answer. You also want to avoid job-interview questions like “Where do you see yourself in five years?” The point is to make him feel comfortable, not put him to the test.
#6. Ensure you have “good-date karma” – No matter how dismal a date is, always be polite and always try to stick it out until the end. After all, you don’t want to get a reputation of being someone who mistreats men. There is such a thing as floating dating karma. If you are a good date, good dates will come to you in a nonlinear way.
#7. Check your bill-paying etiquette – It is fine to split the bill, but don’t whip out a calculator and tell him he owes more because he had the soup. It is also fine to let him pay–you can always pay on the next date. However, you should never expect him to pay. This again is one of those dating “fopaux’s”, I have not adhered to yet.
#8. Please leave your troubles at the door. A first or second date is not the time to discuss your cheating ex-boyfriend, your alcoholic mother, or your psycho boss. You do not have to whitewash your life, but you can be honest and self-deprecating without plunging into the darkest depths of your soul. Telling the truth and complaining are two different things. If you are miserable at your job and hate going every day, then that’s not a good conversation. But if you say, here is what’s bothering me in my job, and here’s what I want to do about it.
#9. Stay informed – If you have got a big date coming up, make a point to stay in tune with national or city events–it will give you something to talk about after you’ve told each other how many brothers and sisters you have. It’s not that you have to study for your date — if you never read the paper, you don’t have to read every article in the business section — but don’t let this be the day you don’t read the paper. You don’t want to miss out on what could be a great conversation.
#10. Wear something he’ll love to touch – Skin-tight jeans, too-short skirts, and spilling cleavage can send a message that you’re trying too hard, but a soft cashmere sweater or velvet tank top will make him yearn to come close.
In conclusion, you need to think about the little things that will mean a lot on that first date; it appears first impressions are formed very quickly!
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Millie in the City, relationships, singles, modern day cupid, dating, black dear abby, Lunch maybe Dinner, Relationship Consultant, communication, courting