MILLIE'S CORNER

I don’t like you like that, but you are Perfect for Me!

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I’m back, it’s Millie with Millie in the City with the number one dating and relationship forum in the Washington, DC Metropolitan area.  Now that we have gotten that out the way, I want to discuss the right attraction, or lack thereof, and Mr. or Mrs. Right.  My question is, can you not be attracted to someone that is sooooo right for and possibly be Mrs. Right or Mr. Right?  So in honor of that, this article is appropriately titled: I don’t like you like that, but you are Perfect for Me!

What a situation to be in huh?  As hard as it seems sometimes to find Mr. or Mrs. Right, and to not be attracted to them at all–is a major bummer!!!.  As we all know everyone has a physical preference when it comes to dating and choosing a significant other.  Whether it’s a specific body type, hair style, or skin complexion, we all have those one or two physical features we look for in the opposite sex, things that make us go, “wowzers!” Of course we all know that beauty is only skin deep, so while we have a certain look that we all go for, that doesn’t mean that a person who fits our physical expectations are suited for us personality wise.

So what do you do if you meet someone who you know will treat you like a queen, but he ore just does not cut it for you in the looks or personality department?  Do you ignore your natural instincts, wants and needs for a chance to explore something with a person who doesn’t quite fit your character or taste, but makes you feel good?  To be honest, I have found myself a few times in this situations.  In my case, the guys were true gentlemen that I knew would go all-out to accommodate my needs and make me happy.  However, there were certain aspects of their personality that irked my nerves, which only amplified my lack of physical attraction and desire for them.  Now, in the back of my mind, I’m thinking, “He’s really a stand-up guy and I must be crazy annnddd should I just ride this thing out and give him a chance”?  #deepsigh!

I will say this, I have never led anyone on, I was honest about how I felt moreover, didn’t feel.

I know I am not the only one who has ever been in this predicament and a lot of times woman and men use the other for financial reasons—or just to have a good time and get some free meals and movie tickets—stringing them along with no intentions of ever taking things to the next level. (I’ve seen it happen quite a few times and what I say to that is #haveseveralseats).

Those who have been in this situation might often ask themselves:

Do you give the nice guy or girl guy a try, the one who adores you and values your worth despite the absence of attraction?

Could I make it work? Or do you wait for the next person to come around? One who’s just as worthy and kind, but that you also feel a physical and natural attraction to? (And we all know how hard that kind of connection is to find!)

I say that though having a good personality is paramount, looks do matter.  Look, I understand, it’s all who you are attracted to looks and all.  I personally have been extremely attracted to a man that was “Lord Have Mercy Fine” and as soon as he opened his mouth, my instant lust, in so many words, went away faster than the speed of light.  Connection is KEY….point….blank…..period!!!

If you do not find someone sexually appealing and/or there is no connection, you never will. Sure, there’s always an exception to the rule. Maybe 1 out of every 1000 that read this will have a different experience. But if you do, understand that you’re the exception not the rule. Rarely do we find someone physically unattractive and then change our minds down the road, has it happened…yes of course it has but it’s a rarity!

My conclusion is a question and then an answer.  Can a relationship succeed if you are not physically attracted to your partner if he or she is perfect in every other way? I must say, no it cannot. Sex with someone you are not physically attracted to will feel more like a chore than a pleasurable, loving experience between two companions. You will always, for the most part, have to talk yourself into sleeping with him. Eventually, you will cringe at the thought of having to sleep with him. A healthy sex life is far too important to a relationship to be taken lightly.

You are not shallow because you don’t want to be with someone you aren’t physically attracted to (believe me, I still have to tell myself this).  If he or she does not get your hormones rising, in some type of way, shape or form, he or she is or is going to be anything more than a good friend.

 

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Millie Holmes

8 Comments

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  • Roderick – Friend zone…I am always in that club.

  • Cassie Gainey II – Yes it has happen many times but I stay in my zone.. I don’t lead a person on I keep it up front and real with them

  • K Lowery said – Yes, you match well “on paper” but there is no chemistry. Without chemistry, I just can’t move forward. I have these conversations daily…it’s unfortunate though.

  • K Lowery also said: but I still think it’s better to wait…I know way too many people who are in unhappy situations and I wouldn’t be able to do that.
    and – I’m willing to compromise on some things, but never chemistry…

  • AD said: I feel like if are involved with a person in which you are thinking this person could be Mr or Mrs Right the physical attractiveness of the person evaporates because you are attracted to their soul and they become beautiful too. If you can’t see pass the physical then they are not Mr/Mrs Right bc of you looking for love for all of the wrong reasons. Now there are some folks who you can hang with and are cool with and have good chemistry those folks go in the friend zone if they are good with that.

  • AD also said: Me personally I am looking for a good heart that is compatible with mine now if that chemistry is strong enough we can work a lot things out.

  • Sharon said- Initially, at least for me, there has to be a component of interest. Something about the other person has to capture my attention – and hold it. I’ve never been one to be all about the way someone looks, but there has to be SOMETHING that makes me want to know him better.

    Conversation and personality are huge. As long as those can keep me talking and interested, then that’s the attraction.

    My fiancé on paper wasn’t anyone I ever considered dating, but when we connected, there was an initial physical attraction. That gave way to a deeper connection. I still think he is hella sexy, but more than that – we’ve become Best Friends.

  • Mr. D said: There are two types of attractions, first is physical and then mental. After you get past the physical and that is good, then you start the intellectual part of the relationship. So if the physical appearance is there, the intellectual is there but the sex is not there what do you do?

    Next as we get older looks tend to fade, but everything is good, the chemistry, dependability, security and comfort, but no physical attraction, I would probably try to see if there is something there that i might be missing out on.

    Just my opinion.