MILLIE'S CORNER

The Great Debate—Should the Man Pay for Dates?

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I’m back, it’s Millie with Millie in the City with the number one dating and relationship forum in the Washington, DC Metropolitan area.  Now that we have gotten that out the way, I want to discuss who really should be paying for dates—The Man or The Woman?  So in honor of that, this article is appropriately titled: The Great Debate—Should the Man Pay for Dates?

Now here is a topic that has always been two sided. So, if I am out on a date with a man immediately the first thing that comes to mind is finances/income.  Should men pay for dates or should the woman?  Now you know I always go back in the day when chivalry was not dead and it was standard to see the man open the door for the woman, take her out on the town, wine and dine her, and clearly front the bill for a good time.  In all the movies you see young boys taking girls out to the movies, the first kiss scene, and even cases where a guy forgets his wallet are all memories of American classics.

As you might have noticed and as time has moved on, it is no longer the man who is in control. Since the progression of women’s rights and more gender equality, women are coming into their own and becoming more empowered. This is fact!  There are some women who would rather pay for themselves than to have a man for them. (Let me just say, I am not one of those women by any means).  However, I do know women that have too much pride in themselves and have an independent attitude towards life.  With that every man should want a woman that is independent and strong willed, but at the end of the day – the age old question comes up: who is going to pay for the bill?

So, I have to come back around to the same Question – Who should front for the bill?  Imagine that you just met a guy and were asked out on a date.  Let’s say he has taken you out to a restaurant and finishing up your meals at the restaurant, the waitress/waiter comes and brings the check on one tab and either one of two things happens: (by the way, have you noticed when this happens, this bill is most always given to the man? – I digress)

  1. He starts to pull out your wallet          or
  2. You start to pull out your wallet. At this point, on a first date, who should front the bill? In the scenario above, it’s obvious that the man should pay for the dinner and the last thing any guy wants is to get into an awkward scenario where he does not have enough money. Here where it gets hairy (not literally lol).  Do the woman really pull her wallet out on the first date to begin with or should we?

It’s definitely the right thing to do from a man’s perspective to front the first date and perhaps even the second. Once you get to know each other a bit more, and there has to be some kind of communication for this type of thing because there is always a big deal about the misconceptions, traditions, lies and entitlement in this arena. (Thanks Cory Brim for your take on this). I must say this- have the conversation people. While there are men who do love to take care of a woman’s every financial need, a lot of guys would love to see a woman take out her card or cash and pay for herself or him for that matter.

Empowered women are not only attractive, they’re keepers! (this is my opinion)

In my experience, when men have the money, they are usually willing to front the bill if they really like the woman.  Some guys might even spend there last dollar on you until next paycheck because they like you soooooo much.  But my issue is sometimes, if you see that the man is struggling, please do not abuse it.  I must admit in my own life, I really have never had to pay for dates but when it came down to my boyfriend at the time, he paid 99% of the time when we went out and for the most part, I cooked at home for him.  #giveandtake

In conclusion, this issue will continue to be the Great Debate and again, communication is the key and being open to the conversation.  Also, you should enjoy the times that he does want to take you out or the times that he does treat you. You’re only going to make your relationship stronger and last longer.  An option could be, if you are just going out on a couple of dates to test the waters, let him pay for the first date and then you pay for your meal or movie ticket on the second date. It’s called compromise and if all else fails, maybe offer to pay a few times to see how he responds.

With that, I believe at the end of the day, first dates should be taken care of by the man forever and always. (This is just me-do not shoot the messenger!)

And……If you are in a relationship, the best thing to do is to find a solid balance between you paying and your man paying. Yes it is nice to be taken care of in every sense of the word but just don’t abuse your man’s wallet, just because you can. #expectationscanbeunrealistic.  Offer to pay and show that you’ve got more to offer than just companionship. Remember that whatever you expect him to bring to the relationship, you should bring as well.

 

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Millie Holmes

22 Comments

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  • AD Gaylord – An outstanding YES!! If we’ve been dating or in a relationship for a while I may pay occasionally but not as a normal. A woman makes 72 cents for every dollar a man makes. He should pay. I will not date a man if he is looking for me to pay for dates. Luckily that has never happened.

  • Roderick Dunston – Just a question? Have you ever asked a man out?

    AD Gaylord No I haven’t really. I may have asked a man to hang out and we went out for drinks but he never let me pay.

    Roderick Dunston Hang out and asked out is two different things. A man should always pay….

    AD Gaylord – Agreed Roderick Dunston!!

  • K Lowery Moore – I guess it’s just me, but I don’t think a man should always pay, especially if this is someone I am seeing on regular basis. It is nice to get treated as a woman, but there are times when I want to do something nice for the person I’m seeing. I want him to feel special and appreciated…it’s not a matter of being independent or whatever label people want to put on it, it’s letting him know that my interest in him has nothing to do with finances or how much we make.

  • K Lowery Moore – It just shouldn’t be this hard to go out and enjoy each other…it should be free and easy. Plus I like to drink so my bill is going to be high! lol

  • AD Gaylord – Yes there is nothing wrong with that at all if that works for you. I will foot an occasional bill but I will buy my guy gifts instead as a token of my appreciation.

  • Roderick Dunston – If you ask a girl out then the answer to the “who pays on a date?” question is a simple one. It’s you. When you invite a girl on a date it’s your responsibility to take care of her. Another reason it’s important for men to pay for a date is that it sends a clear message of your intentions.

    If she asks you on a date?
    Now the question of “who pays on a date” can be a little trickier if the girl invites you out., you can always be the super-gentleman and still pay for her anyway. Not only would that be appreciated, but it would send a clear message of your interest and desire to be more than friends.

    Another reason it’s important for men to pay for a date is that i…See More

  • K Lowery Moore – this is why so many of us are single, in my opinion…too many rules

    Roderick Dunston – True

    K Lowery Moore – it’s just ridiculous to a point…go with the flow and let love guide you, but nope, how much you make??? smh

    AD Gaylord – Having old school standards doesnt contistute women being single. My guy pays and wants too. I appreciate him not looking for me to take care of check. That’s crass to me.

    K Lowery Moore – as you said, to each his/her own…. I don’t equate money to getting to know someone. A man spending money on me doesn’t mean he loves me anymore than a man who may not can afford to do all things I want…been there, done that!

    K Lowery Moore – AD Gaylord, I was referring to men and women being single with all the rules when it comes to money and love. But again, these are simply my opinions and how I prefer to get to know someone.

    AD Gaylord – Yeah but there is something unsavory about a man who lets his woman constantly pay…I don’t like men like that.

    K Lowery Moore – I never said constantly…

    K Lowery Moore – in my household, I saw an equal balance with my father and stepmother…they shared responsibilities and I often saw my father cook, so I just rebuke rules & roles…again that just me

    AD Gaylord – Or regularly…to each its own but for me no thanks. I spend a lot of money trying to look great for the date so at least you can pay for my meal lls.

    AD Gaylord – Listen I cook, clean work etc..i take care of him and when I date I don’t pay.

  • Roderick Dunston Question: Let’s say you ask her on a date but she picks the place. And she just so happens to pick the most expensive restaurant in town. What then? Who pays for the date if she is the one who made it so expensive?…See More

  • K Lowery Moore – I will offer to pay a portion if I over do it because I will…if I am going on a date with a man it’s because I already know him and like him. It’s rare that I go out with randoms…so maybe this doesn’t apply to me

  • Roderick Dunston – I hear you, but if I am out with you…I would pay for it all

  • AD Gaylord – He pays. He doesn’t have to agree to the restaurant.

    Roderick said – I hear you.

    D said – Absolutely NOT! Especially not all the time..

  • JV Jones – I am the type of woman who believes in sharing the wealth so sometimes he pays and sometimes I pay. That way it’s not a hardship for either. First dates the men usually pay because they usually invite you out but after that we share the ride.

    K Lowery Moore – Amen….

  • Mr. D said – Thank you Real Women For Not Being Selfish! Because Most times depending on the Couple and depending on the dude..
    If She Even looks like she’s going to pay She might never ever have to pay for anything ever again..
    See People get caught up in Chivalry..When a Mere Gesture can Show you alot about a person!

    AD Gaylord – Sorry D but I am not paying for you…not selfish just not happening without us being more exclusive. I am still a great women just not one who pays for men.

  • Cassie Gainey II I totally agree with you JV Jones

  • Nadia said – Um D anytime and every time you take me out I’m not paying so there you go lol, but then again it’s not that type of date….lol

    D said – Hahahaha^^^

    Nadia – Lol

  • Roderick Dunston – It does feel good to be treated out from time to time….Make a man feel appreciate!!

    K Lowery Moore – oh now you saying it feels good…lol

    K Lowery Moore – that is ALL I was saying….

  • K Lowery Moore – I’ve seen men go damn near broke with a woman that doesn’t intend on being with him…lol! My homies tell me horror stories about dating, but I’m looking for love, and it doesn’t come with a cost of a meal. Feed my soul…please and thank you!

  • AD Gaylord – From time to time is one thing but a lot of women will do it 50%of the time and say it should be equal. That sets a bad tone with men wanting to be treated and a expectation is set which is NOT a good look. Sorry.

  • AD Gaylord – Millie didn’t say should men pay for expensive dates…you can get creative without breaking the bank..

    K Lowery Moore – I just know what I like and I’m okay with contributing to it… the men I know & date understands how I am and we plan accordingly. I hate being on a budget at dinner or on trips, so yes, I will contribute once we are at a good steady pace of seeing each other.

  • K Lowery Moore – Millie Holmes, the last paragraph of your article is onpoint!! The entire thing is awesome, but as long as the two people agree how to work their finances and dating, that’s all that matters…