I’m back, it’s Millie with Millie in the City with the number one dating and relationship forum in the Washington, DC Metropolitan area. Now that we have gotten that out the way, I want to discuss who really should be paying for dates—The Man or The Woman? So in honor of that, this article is appropriately titled: The Great Debate—Should the Man Pay for Dates?
Now here is a topic that has always been two sided. So, if I am out on a date with a man immediately the first thing that comes to mind is finances/income. Should men pay for dates or should the woman? Now you know I always go back in the day when chivalry was not dead and it was standard to see the man open the door for the woman, take her out on the town, wine and dine her, and clearly front the bill for a good time. In all the movies you see young boys taking girls out to the movies, the first kiss scene, and even cases where a guy forgets his wallet are all memories of American classics.
As you might have noticed and as time has moved on, it is no longer the man who is in control. Since the progression of women’s rights and more gender equality, women are coming into their own and becoming more empowered. This is fact! There are some women who would rather pay for themselves than to have a man for them. (Let me just say, I am not one of those women by any means). However, I do know women that have too much pride in themselves and have an independent attitude towards life. With that every man should want a woman that is independent and strong willed, but at the end of the day – the age old question comes up: who is going to pay for the bill?
So, I have to come back around to the same Question – Who should front for the bill? Imagine that you just met a guy and were asked out on a date. Let’s say he has taken you out to a restaurant and finishing up your meals at the restaurant, the waitress/waiter comes and brings the check on one tab and either one of two things happens: (by the way, have you noticed when this happens, this bill is most always given to the man? – I digress)
- He starts to pull out your wallet or
- You start to pull out your wallet. At this point, on a first date, who should front the bill? In the scenario above, it’s obvious that the man should pay for the dinner and the last thing any guy wants is to get into an awkward scenario where he does not have enough money. Here where it gets hairy (not literally lol). Do the woman really pull her wallet out on the first date to begin with or should we?
It’s definitely the right thing to do from a man’s perspective to front the first date and perhaps even the second. Once you get to know each other a bit more, and there has to be some kind of communication for this type of thing because there is always a big deal about the misconceptions, traditions, lies and entitlement in this arena. (Thanks Cory Brim for your take on this). I must say this- have the conversation people. While there are men who do love to take care of a woman’s every financial need, a lot of guys would love to see a woman take out her card or cash and pay for herself or him for that matter.
Empowered women are not only attractive, they’re keepers! (this is my opinion)
In my experience, when men have the money, they are usually willing to front the bill if they really like the woman. Some guys might even spend there last dollar on you until next paycheck because they like you soooooo much. But my issue is sometimes, if you see that the man is struggling, please do not abuse it. I must admit in my own life, I really have never had to pay for dates but when it came down to my boyfriend at the time, he paid 99% of the time when we went out and for the most part, I cooked at home for him. #giveandtake
In conclusion, this issue will continue to be the Great Debate and again, communication is the key and being open to the conversation. Also, you should enjoy the times that he does want to take you out or the times that he does treat you. You’re only going to make your relationship stronger and last longer. An option could be, if you are just going out on a couple of dates to test the waters, let him pay for the first date and then you pay for your meal or movie ticket on the second date. It’s called compromise and if all else fails, maybe offer to pay a few times to see how he responds.
With that, I believe at the end of the day, first dates should be taken care of by the man forever and always. (This is just me-do not shoot the messenger!)
And……If you are in a relationship, the best thing to do is to find a solid balance between you paying and your man paying. Yes it is nice to be taken care of in every sense of the word but just don’t abuse your man’s wallet, just because you can. #expectationscanbeunrealistic. Offer to pay and show that you’ve got more to offer than just companionship. Remember that whatever you expect him to bring to the relationship, you should bring as well.
Millie Holmes can be reached by email at firstname.lastname@example.org or on Social Media:
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