After being married for 12 years in a god awful abusive marriage with no substance and then afterwards, being in a relationship with someone who seemed to always be working or missing in action on Valentine’s day, this day became a day that I grew to hate. I had no idea what it felt like to be spoiled on Valentine’s Day. Unless you count the bag of M&Ms and the flowers from the street guy that my husband use to give me. Yes, M&Ms were my favorite – but dang, you could of at least spent over $1 for a big bag. Handing them to me would have been nice too rather than just throwing them at me. I just got to the point where I dreaded that day more than anything, especially when I had to look at all the other couples and what they did for each other on the special day. I had to wonder, what I ever did to end up being treated like this.
Years after my divorce and finally walking away from the other relationship, I got asked out for Valentine’s Day. I remember this day all so clearly because even though it was 11 years ago, I’ve never had another good Valentine’s Day since. People seem to think that men are breaking their necks to be with and spoil me. However, that is the furthest from the truth and if this is the case, they ain’t telling me and I surely ain’t getting spoiled. If only yall could be a fly on the wall and see what goes on in my love life. Anyway, back to the story……
He started the day off by coming to my job and taking me to lunch. To me, that was pretty impressive since he lived in Annapolis MD and I worked in Tysons VA. If I had to estimate, I would say that was approximately an hour drive. Lunch was great. What woman don’t like a good looking man showing up at her job in a sports car ready to do whatever it took to impress her? Well, I can’t speak for most but this chick right here was GEEKED. Then I was told, be ready for this evening so that we can continue your special day.
That night I got to eat at my favorite restaurant, Mike’s in Springfield. I got my favorite dessert, Banana Crème Cheesecake from Cheesecake Factory and my favorite candy, Godiva. He said, get whatever you want and yall know I went Chocolate Covered Strawberries crazy. Just like a kid.
While we were in Godiva this young lady told us that we made such a great couple and that she wished she had what we had. She then told us that once she got off work that she would be going home to secretly leave her husband in the night. Both my date and I instantly looked at each other and said, “We aren’t a couple, we are divorced!!!” I’m so smiling as I write this cause I can still see both my ex-husband and the young ladies facial expressions. He was smiling cause we said it together as if we were in sync and she was looking like what in the world. What’s really going on? We then went in and explained how we had been divorced for years and how we were trying to see if it was possible for us to get back together. We were taking the time to be friends, something we never did before. We then came together as one and double teamed her. We took turns telling her how she shouldn’t give up on her marriage and how she should do whatever it took to make it work. He would start a sentence and then I would finish it, vice versa. We both stressed how important it was not to point fingers but to focus on your own actions. On how it’s important to constantly show appreciation. On how important it is to have date nights. On how important it is to support one another. On how important it is to not take everything personally. On how important it is to compliment and build up one another. On how important it is to do stuff that you may not like but your mate may love. On how important it was to effectively communicate, making sure both people understood. On how important it was to be able to agree to disagree. On how important it was to have a spiritually based relationship and to never go to bed mad. We came together and convinced this woman that leaving would be the wrong thing because she hadn’t really made a serious effort to work things out. We came together and told her that just maybe she had to be the bigger one but in the end it would be worth it. It was so funny cause for once me and my ex came together and gave this women advice that we needed to hear, that nobody told us. We gave her advice that saved her marriage. Because of our teamwork and being transparent, she told me that I could come to Godiva whenever I wanted and get what I wanted. I did it for a while but it was more to check in to make sure she was good. I haven’t spoken to her in years but the last time I checked, she was happily married.
I’m sure some of yall are wondering what happened to me and my ex. We did end up spending time together and I learned so much from the experience. The first time, I was the routine boring wife but the second time around, I was the fun loving chick with no care in the world but us having a good time. It took for me to be sitting in the movie theater with him watching I THINK I LOVE MY WIFE to finally get it. Every man needs a wife and a mistress!!! If you’re smart, you will give him both!!!!!!
I thank God for this experience because even though I only have one real good memory of this special day, it’s a memory that’s so extremely special cause our doing, helped another couple have a lifetime of Happy Valentine’s. In life, it’s not always about you. So do I still hate Valentine’s? Not really, I’m older and wiser now. I don’t hate it but I’m looking forward to being with a good man so I can be his wife and his mistress. I’ve been preparing for this for a long time. Ohhh La La!!!! HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY YALL!!!!
P.S. I haven’t talked to my ex in over 6 years if not more. I pray that I was the crash dummy that he used to learn so that he never makes the same mistakes as he did with us and that some woman is extremely blessed cause he most definitely was my crash dummy who I’m also grateful for. Because of him, someone else will be an extremely happy man.
Until next time…… It’s your girl, LATONYA MECHELLE (Check me out at www.latonyasworld.com)