Ask Millie – Is he Thirsty?

Silhouette of a man drinking water after exercising with blue sky in the background.

I’m back, it’s that time again for Ask Millie, better known as the Black Dear Abby.  Here is the relationship question of the week.  Jonathan from College Park, MD is a single, handsome, devoted father, very romantic, possesses 5 college degrees and on his way to his PhD.  He sent me an email explaining his relationship with a woman he is desperately in Love with and he feels that she is giving him her tooshie to kiss.  He explained that she has class, potential, brains and beauty however, she seems to have a problem equaling his desires and passions that he has for her.  He explained that he has helped her in many ways: financially, mentally and emotionally.  His question is simply these 3 little-big words:  Am I thirsty?

Let’s define the word thirsty, from the Urban Dictionary it means: too eager to get something (especially play); desperate or someone who is trying to be “put on, be chosen,” or simply garner lots of attention.  I do loathe people who crave my opinion, your insecurity is showing.  When something new begins, like a relationship, the eagerness can consume you completely. Now after the first rush of getting to know someone, it is not uncommon for texts and phone calls to slow down with one person wondering why and putting in extra effort to keep that initial intensity going. This is a situation where one party wants more, but the last thing you want to come off as is being thirsty.  So, Jonathan, these are some signs of being thirsty you should consider for yourself:

  1. Paying for the milk is a good thing.  I know we were taught to buy the cow however, nothing is for free really.  If the first few dates lead to steamy hookups but nothing comes out of it later, don’t be aggressive. Whatever the reason is that the person you were crushing on stops seeing or call you, please respect it. Also, if she wants to take things slow, accept it if you want to keep seeing this person. I say this all the time and this is even for myself personally, constantly pushing for physical affection will drive your crush away quicker than when lightning  strikes
  2. Tipping the scale in your favor.  Most cellular devices have a tracking feature that shows thenumber of times you callor text a person in your contact list. If the amount of outgoing messages is higher than incoming ones, slow down! Wait for the person you are contacting to respond before sending another message (unless it’s an emergency). No one likes feeling bombarded, and being an eager beaver could be your downfall.
  3. Passing GO is a no no!  Relationships are not like Monopoly, where you can collect your prize immediately after passing go. If your new crush suddenly says she is not ready for a relationship or going forward long term, the issue just might be you. Try talking thing out: if someone’s beating around the bush to spare your feelings, you could be dogging a bullet or it could be a blessing in disguise. Move on to a person who will reciprocate your feelings. 
  1. Facebook!  So, the two of you decided to exchange your Facebook details, is a good sign that things are moving along great. However, do not, I repeat”do not be a stalker of their newsfeed and randomly show up where he or she is checked into. Whether someone feels it is too soon to introduce you or just wants a solo night with friends, do not invite yourself. Randomly showing up to her favorite bar can signal the thirsty vibe and might sever your relationship completely. Absence can actually make the heart grow fonder!
  2. Take the long walk and enjoy the view.  Slow down and enjoy the walk. Let the ink on the calendar page dry before making any more plans. Cherish the existing moments you have together without forcing more on someone’s plate. Attempting to plan for a Caribbean or a LA vacation after being together for less than six months might be overpowering for someone just getting used to dating again. Start small and work your way up.

In conclusion, there is a thin line between enthusiasm and thirstiness, so tread lightly. Dating someone new can bring both excitement and anxiety, so just breathe. Slow and steady will win the race of love.  I too have learned to take my own advice as well.

If you have a relationship or dating question, please email me at and I just might feature your question and give you some great tips and dating advice, anonymously of course!.  This is Millie–better known as– the black Dear Abby and I say good night and pretty deuces, until next week.










Millie Holmes can be reached by email at or on Social Media:

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