MILLIE'S CORNER

Men think Chivalry is dead too!

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I’m back, it’s Millie with Millie in the City with the number one dating and relationship forum in the Washington, DC Metropolitan area.  Now that we have gotten that out the way, I want to discuss the men that think Chivalry is dead as well.  From my conversations in the just the past few days with men have been quite interesting and most of them are all saying the same thing.  So in honor of that, this article is appropriately titled: Men think Chivalry is dead too!

Well, we all know that we live in the hookup culture and yes we all know that it is pretty obvious that chivalry is completely dead. Yes, grandparents and parents were old fashioned, I grew up back in the day in a middle-class environment, as a woman, I was preached the value of chivalry and etiquette. I would like to believe that my brothers, cousins and males friends growing up learned valuable lessons from their grandmother, mothers and aunts, either verbally or via the other means of learning (this is a nice way of learning by way of belts or switches).

It seems like, at least from the men I have spoken with, that it is utterly and completely impossible for men to do what most people consider the normal chivalrous thing to do.  Although I am desperately trying to get dating back for my singles I feel that, in most people eyes, chivalry is DONE!  Really, who goes on dates anymore? Well, let’s at least cross your fingers for the launch of my Good Date Series happening in October 2016, but for now, I sometimes find, it is all about hooking up, getting a number, grabbing a drink and getting down and dirty (lol).  The more and more I talk to Single men, a lot of them feel that they are the only single guys that actually take a woman out to a restaurant on a first date.

These men are saying that there is a reason for this:

If you take a woman out and show her you that you are more than some douche bag looking to just get in her pants, chances are, you are going to get a second date.   Again, men are saying that they are old fashioned and that a nice dinner is worth the money to get to know someone to some extent.  The men I talk to also say that it is not about the money, and I totally get why people are stingy when it comes to going out with people they do not know.  I get it, everything costs money but what is really the difference.  You treat yourself all the time to a good meal, and if the company is good, why the heck wouldn’t you take a girl out to a nice dinner?

All I know is, the more I look around, the less I see men treating women the way that most, I know, were raised to. I mean what happened to paying for dinners and drinks? What happened to pulling out chairs and holding doors? What happened to walking on the outside, closest to the street and all that jazz?  Where did the men lose their chivalrous touch? When did it become acceptable to just text a girl, inviting her to come to just have sex or disquiset it with the Netflix & Chill debacle of 2015 & 2016?

I think, in an ever-changing landscape of communication between 140 character tweets, LOLs, SMH’s, IDK’s, and ROTFLs, we have lost our ability to communicate, altogether. I really do say this all the time, I swear.  You go to a noisy club or bar and expect to get to know someone new, when all you really wind up with is uninteresting small talk.  We do not take the time to get to really know people anymore and that’s why you see relationships and marriages failing at a 50 percent rate. Eventually, push is going to come to shove here, and I did figure it would have happened by now, but for some reason, it just has not.

The statements that are to follow I know for sure, will get me in hot water but it must be said.  Men are saying the real problem here is that women, for one reason or another, have become complacent, smug, and content and have allowed men to get away with adhering to the bare minimum.  Men no longer have to put in the effort of flowers, chocolates, dates, etc., and if they do, they come off as “pressed, stalkers, desperate or just a plain nerds”.  In most cases, if a man takes you out to a nice dinner, it maybe because he is a nice gentleman and he looks forward to spending time with you somewhere other than the bedroom.

In conclusion and in the interim, I do feel that women will wise up and start asking for the things that they deserve, the things used to be automatic and expected of men, like holding a door, pulling out a chair, and paying for dinners.  But until then, men are going to get away with putting in the bare minimum and receiving what they ultimately want anyway – sex. Men say that it is so obvious that women hold and even own all the cards, and when they start acting like it, they will finally start getting dinner from places that do not deliver. When women stop saying that they do not need a man and that they can do it themselves, I know their “pro-women’s movement” life will change for the better.

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21 Comments

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  • Mr. B said: I was a little disappointment with this article. It started off in a place of unbais but then reached a level of were I felt that blame was being pointed towards men for the current dating culture. The author never looked at both sides of the coin. The point is chivalry is earned and not a right. If a woman has not shown herself as deserving of]a chivalrous gentleman why should the guy put himself in harms way? Nice try but I wasn’t feeling it. Won play a part too.

  • Mr. Ayo said: Ife Ayo What a bias article…Chivalry is far from dead!! There are lots of women (not all) out there these days that plays childish games with good men and would rather be with a fuck boy. They are single and tell everybody they can’t find a good man but the truth is that they aren’t focusing on the real qualities of a good man.

  • K Lowery Moore – I know you wanted a male opinion so I didn’t respond yesterday. However, chivalry is far from dead. It is true not every man may not open doors, pull out chairs, etc., but plenty still do. I try not to allow actions of a few to put all men in one category. When I was getting off the plane on Sunday, the guy that sat next to me remembered what bag I put in the overhead bin and offered to get it down before I even got out of my seat. But now I will read this article…

  • Mr. Ayo – Thanks for your input and I do what that guy did on a regular basis. And then you see some men in so much hurry that they almost push d ladies out of the way at Airports, train stations, elevator entrances etc…makes me sick but oh well

  • K Lowery Moore – Yeah, I’ve had that experience, but not that often. lol… Most men I encounter still open my door or treat me like a lady. 🙂

  • Millie Holmes – I see this all the time but I recently had the same experience. It was my first time on the plane and these guys walked with me to the baggage claim and waited with me and got my luggage. It was so nice. I have had more chilvarous than not but there are so many men talking to me about how women are so unappreciative and even don;t even say thank you when they hold open doors.

  • Ife Ayo and Bernard Marion Grayson Jr. The both of you and I have had this same conversation many times. I truly thank you for your opinions but I wrote this article to hopefully give the men a voice on how they feel as well. From last Friday to now, I have talked to 5 different men aging in the range of 25-55 and they all said that women now days (not all) want to be so equal to a man, they don’t even get a chance to show their chivalry side. Also, they said that a lot of black women complain all the time and also want to be equal, they say that they don’ need a man for anything which makes the man think, “well if you can do everything I can do and if you do not need me, then why am I here”? Did both of you read the last insert of my article? It said this – ” When women stop saying that they do not need a man and that they can do it themselves, I know their “pro-women’s movement” life will change for the better”

  • Cassie Gainey II – This was really a article for the male prospective…. But, I do feel at times that chivalry is dead on both ends. We men and women who have not been properly trained on how a Gentleman or a Lady should be treated. There are some excellent Gentlemen out there who shows there kind acts of chivalry everyday but its not appreciated and the same goes for our Ladies. There are Ladies who do the same but even there kindness is not appreciated. It simply comes down to how you were raised. Chivalry starts from home. I taught my sons how to treat a lady and how to be “Fine Gentlemen ” as my uncle James would say. But I also surrounded my sons with positive Gentlemen influences in there lives.

  • K Lowery Moore – I’m learning that just because someone doesn’t appreciate you, that doesn’t mean you change who you are…you simply have to move on to someone who does. I’m finding that some men have had horrible experience with dating, baby mamas, etc., so they don’t try any more. That’s the wrong attitude to have…stop dealing with women who do not appreciate the things you like to do. I had to learn that myself. When a man doesn’t appreciate the kind of woman I am, I have to keep it moving. it’s someone who is craving what you have to offer!!!

  • SirWilliam – Chivalry isn’t dead. But, the”women” who deserve to be treated that way are. All that I see are women who strive to be bad bitches and it seems like the true essence of what it means to be a woman/lady is gone. Men will treat you the way that they perceive you.

    Millie Holmes – Amen, people are forgetting, I do not just talk to women, I talk to men as well and a lot of them are saying exactly what you just said.

  • K – As I said earlier, we have to stop dealing with these kinds of people…Many women I know have never strive to be “that bitch.” It appears that the “good” women are overlooked for the “bad bitches” the same way “good” men say they are overlooked for thugs. We are the only ones who can change who we associate with…

  • K Lowery Moore – sometimes you have to change your circle to see something different…

    Sir – The is a bad bitch in every circle. It doesn’t discriminate

    K said – sorry, not in my circle

    K Lowery Moore – my friends and I don’t even refer to each other as bitches as some women do…It’s not fair to lump folks into one category, but if that’s your experience, then I guess we have to agree that our experiences are just different

  • K Lowery Moore – I’ve never been that woman…or even that girl in high school, Millie Holmes. I was called stuck up because I refuse to travel in packs. If you are not about business and making a better life out there, I cannot participate…

  • Sir – It was just an example. I know that every female doesn’t refer to themselves that way. My point is that it’s hard for a man or woman go find someone worthy enough to put chivalry to the test. Sex had lost its value because it’s so easy to come by that men bypass the chivalry aspect.

  • Sir said: It was just an example. I know that every female doesn’t refer to themselves that way. My point is that it’s hard for a man or woman go find someone worthy enough to put chivalry to the test. Sex had lost its value because it’s so easy to come by that men bypass the chivalry aspect.

  • Sir said: It’s like the stock market. If you flood the market with a specific commodity it loses its value because it’s easy to come by and anybody can get it.

  • Sir – So, to men, why would they take the time to treat a woman like a lady of they are just giving it away?

  • K Lowery Moore – I understand, but we are in control of who we associate with…men leave me alone because I’m not quick to have sex. I value who I am, and the man worthy will understand. Other men still treat me nice even if we are just friends… We I come across a joker, I just keep it moving. I don’t entertain nonsense…

  • Sir – You prove my point. Men leave you alone because they can’t get sec easily from you so they go get it somewhere else because it’s easy to do. Unfortunately, there has to be something unique about a woman that captures and maintains a man’s attention in order for him to want to take the time to wine and dine.

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