Millie’s Corner – Can Men and Women really be Friends?

I’m back, its Millie with Millie in the City Matchmaking with the number one dating and relationship forum in the Washington, DC Metropolitan area.  Now that we have gotten that out the way, let’s discuss friendship between Men and Women.  Just so you know this has been a hot button issue for many years.  So in honor of that, this article is appropriately titled: Can Men and Women REALLY be Friends?

So, let’s get started.  Can Men and Women really keep their relationship platonic and be just friends? I truly believe that non-sexual and non-romantic relationships between men and women are absolutely possible, (despite what our culture depicts). I guess when you are looking at it on a larger scale, Friendships, unlike romantic relationships, are not as intriguing, in a sexually-obsessed, commodity-ridden culture and society like ours.

We all know in our heads that society plants the idea of friends turning into romantic interests, especially in the movies.  Thus, making it difficult for either sex to recognize a platonic friendship. I believe that when we value friendships for the sake of collaboration, community and networking, rather than sex, they can flourish.

Men and women can be ‘just friends,’ but you have to understand that there are some rules and criteria’s.  Now, if you are physically attracted, romantically interested, or if they can make you envious by what they say or do with other people, you cannot be just friends.  The following are some criteria strictly for men and women to be considered a “true friend or just friends:

  1. A true friend is a rarity.  So if time spent together is effortless, neither party keeps tally about anything serious, there is no gossip, no jealousy; and there is always a judgment-free zone between the two of you – You can be just friends!
  2. If one of you expresses interest in another friend of yours and you would not hesitate to introduce them – You can be just friends!
  3. If you feel distraught or threatened by their interest in your other friend, then you’re simply NOT “just friends”, with this person, there are feelings there – You cannot be just friends!

Now, the big question is, if you realize that in fact you are crushing on a friends and you are wondering should you take things to the next level, I advise you to consider the strength of your friendship before you do the “big reveal” of your true feelings.  Look at a few things first:

  1. If you rarely see this friend in setting or places that are not of importance, then you probably do not have anything to lose by revealing your feelings. So if things go far left, well, you never saw them that much anyway! or
  2. If this person is a close friend with whom you interact with often, then it is best to think before you act. You must ask yourself if you are willing to risk giving up all contact with this person if your feelings make them feel uneasy.
  3. If you are stressing to answer this question then you may want to start by distancing yourself from your friend/crush. “If you’re longing after them every time you hang out, you may develop feelings of frustration and your exchanges may even become unpleasant to you.
  4. If you want to gauge your friend/crush’s feelings without absolutely spilling the beans, try to slip a few select phrases into conversation and judge their responses. If you’ve already taken the distancing yourself step, explain your motivation in a suggestive and playful way.
  5. Maybe say that if you keep seeing then you might fall in love with them or say do you ever think we could be more than friends.  Please carefully listen to their response and if they say no, you can just laugh it off and say something like “Me Neither.  On the other hand, maybe they won’t say no!

In conclusion, friendship between men and women is not impossible. However, it does necessitate finding someone with friendship goals that match or equal your own.  If communication is clear and not in present danger, leaving when there is not a match is KEY. If you desire “just friends”, then it may be better to pick only friends who are already in other romantic relationships. That way, you can have a sustaining or satisfying conversation, a good friend, and no frustration.











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