MILLIE'S CORNER

Millie’s Corner – Expectations & Dating

I’m back, its Millie with Millie in the City Matchmaking with the number one dating and relationship forum in the Washington, DC Metropolitan area.  Now that we have gotten that out the way, let’s discuss Expectations while newly Dating! This article is appropriately titled: What to Expect when Expecting & Dating.

There are so many women who are scared to want what they want when it comes to relationships; this breaks my matchmaking heart.

As a women, I know that we run the world and have come so far.  We can ask for equal pay, entertain any career and educational aspirations we wish, however and unfortunately, we are in fear of wanting a fulfilling romantic relationship. It’s as if the mere desire of these things will turn us into desperate, submissive, and needy or for the lack of a better term—stone aged wives.

We are told and it is drilled into our head that we can date like a man” and that it is somehow liberating to have a different man in our beds every weekend.  Since when? Women have always been able to do this moreover, if you are under 90 years old you can probably go to a bar on any night and come home with someone. Now if you find a man to have no-strings sex with and your needs aren’t being met, what’s so damn liberating about that?

Let’s briefly discuss an example of different expectations.  When you go to work every day, you do expect to get paid.  When you make any type of investment, you hope to receive a return. Every action, big or minuet, is taken on with a hoped-for result in mind. At the end of this rainbow, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having some expectations in dating and relationships.  Admit that you have expectations–because you do! My problem lies only if you pretend you don’t in order to “play it safe”, this will not grant you any wishes.

Having expectations for how you will be treated classifies you as a quality individual. Having expectations shows that you value yourself and your time. You know what you want and you are going for the gusto. It will not seem like you are just hanging out to see how things will go, you know what kind of life you want to have and plan to achieve it.

You are off to an awesome start, pat yourself on the back, we all can respect and admire people who are on a mission and who are reaching for their dreams. They are so much more inspirational than those who are just waiting to see what life hands them.  Internal structure is what you will have when you have some expectations.

If you have expectations of a beautiful relationship, you might not be so hot and bothered for a “friends with benefits” arrangement. Hopefully, you will know what you are reaching for and will not get preoccupied by things that will not lead you to the proverbial finish line.  If you are consistent, you have a better chance of not sabotaging yourself.  Have expectations for your life and relationship goals, not necessarily for the outcomes on individual dates.

Now, you can still go out with a new man and enjoy an evening getting to know him however, having goals for your life does not mean’ that you never have any fun or that you cross-examine every man you go out on a date with. You can still have a great date with someone who doesn’t end up being the One. The key is not to spend years dating someone who’s a dreadful fit for you or having off-the-cuff relationships that go nowhere because you are not valuing your own dreams.

Expectations are a good, healthy and natural part of life as long as you are honest and take responsibility for them. Critical note: Hidden expectations cause a world of trouble.

My opinion is to own your expectations and never apologize for them or deny that they exist.  When the time comes and you are OK with them, you might find that most other people are OK with them too and are very supportive in helping you attain them. After all, they have expectations and desires too.

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Millie Holmes can be reached by email at millieinthecitymatch@yahoo.com or on Social Media:

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Millie Holmes

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  • Thank you Angela Stibling from WHUR FM, host of Pillow Talk for making a comment: Angela Stribling: Thanks for the article, Millie! Just read it… “Critical note: Hidden expectations cause a world of trouble.” #true

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