I’m back, it’s Millie with Millie in the City with the number one dating and relationship forum in the Washington, DC Metropolitan area. Now that we have gotten that out the way, I want to discuss having sex just for sport. So in honor of that, this article is appropriately titled: Sex without having a Prospect.
My good friend B and I were having a discussion about relationships and I was curious if he had any good sex on his vacation—his response was yes. I was happy for him because, well I have my reasons. My next question was did he see her being someone a prospect—his response was no. So it got me to thinking who out there is having sex without prospects of pursuing a meaningful relationship.
So ladies, I guess we could be just as bad as these men. My friend is not a bad guy and sometimes, not all, I have the same problem. We all know how much it sucks to be used for sex. Most of us do not want to be pumped and dumped. And none of us enjoys the soul crushing wondering of where we actual stand in a relationship.
I know you have a pretty good idea what I am going to say next because the solution is quite simple. Regrettably, it is not easy in our culture that glorifies casual sex and yet the answer is still simple – don’t have sex without commitment. Notice that I am not saying this is a way to make a man commit. This is most certainly not about him. This is about you and me too. Plus, you don’t need to have sex as soon as you get commitment. And you don’t need to accept commitment if you don’t want to or you’re not ready yet. We all know some men will fake a commitment.
The most important thing is to judge a man’s character before trusting him with your body or your heart. It is not particularly safe to date or marry a selfish guy. A guy with a bad moral character cannot be trusted for even a one night stand. You can’t really know someone’s character quickly especially if you’re young and inexperienced and he knows how to play women. With age and experience you might learn to quickly spot selfish and insincere people but you may still be mistaken. Sex on the first date will not doom you. It is sometimes a risky thing to do. Waiting to have sex can be very rewarding. Again, this is not about keeping the guy. It’s about you. Your desires and needs matter. You do not need to spend your time wondering how to keep a guy and enjoying the moment. You can do better than instant gratification. You can just stick up for what you want and not accept a guy who does not want a commitment or for that matter, does not know yet if he wants one.
I know the question is not when to sleep with a guy, it is whether to sleep with him at all. Why would you first have sex before you know you want to be with him? Of course, if you do not want to have your emotional needs met, you can settle for casual sex. Your choice.
In conclusion, you know what? Here is the good news, you don’t need to wait for the man to decide. If you want commitment, you can say so. He can accept or not. Don’t pressure him. And don’t give into his pressure. If you want to have sex, say so. Again, don’t pressure him. Why give the men all the power? You can make your own choices and you can ask for what you want. I know many couples where the woman made the first step. Now they’re very happy. That’s real life.
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