Enough is enough! It’s time to leave dating behind and trade it in for an upgraded, much needed and relevant version of modern courtship. Our relationships track record in this country is paltry at best, with the highest divorce rate world-wide, and soaring dissatisfaction rates, even with access to greater quantities of potential mates through so-called on-line dating sites (actually, on-line meeting is what’s really occurring). Traditionally, dating has been the pre-cursor to being in a relationship, so that means that a positive overhaul of how we do relationships requires that we also examine how we’ve been doing dating.
As I share in my new book, The Love Lies, our basic premise as women regarding dating is that it is how you get to know a guy. We may make the claim that dating is how I get to know a man/guy, but in actuality and in practice, getting to know him is far from what’s really happening in our current approach to dating. Dating, as we’ve been doing it has set us up for failure instead of success, deep satisfaction and longevity in our committed relationships and marriages.
More accurately, as I explain in The Love Lies, modern dating is a judging and assessing, sorting and rejecting routine where a guy is held up to an internal list of requirements, and boxes are literally checked off in our minds as we perceive him as fulfilling on our mental list of requirements . This is a damaging and degrading process that I call score carding, one that reduces men to objects (something we hate when the shoe is on the other foot) and casts them as commodities.
And the trend that is most disturbing in our modern dating paradigm is us opening our legs to sex by the third date. Too many of us are giving guys entrance into our bodies, our most sacred real estate on the planet, and we might not yet even so much as know his middle name!
So how do we elevate beyond so-called dating? The answer is modern courtship, an effective alternative to dating that slows down the pace, has a different motive, puts less emphasis on sex; and better achieves the claim of getting to know a guy. And guys, you’ll love it too because it enables you to keep more money in your pocket instead of spending hundreds on women who are mediocre dates, poor company, boring or ungrateful.
Before modern courtship can be carried out effectively, there are several truths that a female must first embrace and recognize. Yes, the female. Why? Because we set the tone.
You first must recognize:
As the female, you naturally are the one that sets the tone and pace of how you two interact
- Men/Guys respond to the tone and pace that we They follow our lead when it comes to courtship.
- Relax, there’s no rush
- Switch the emphasis from the guy showing you a good time to you learning how to be a great date (details on how to be a great date in The Love Lies)
Once you get these four truths, you can move forward with applying Guideline #1 for modern courtship. Start with a Day Date, for a max of one hour. One hour for a first-time get-together with a guy is plenty of time to determine whether or not there’s a click and whether or not you both desire to be in each other’s company again. You can then progress gradually from there.
Debrena Jackson Gandy’s new book, The Love Lies, can be found at all major booksellers, or purchased on-line through Amazon.com or BN.com
To purchase: https://www.amazon.com/author/debrenajacksongandy
Bio: About Debrena Jackson Gandy: Two-time national best-selling author of Sacred Pampering Principles (HarperCollins) and All the Joy You Can Stand (Random House), and now her newest book, The Love Lies, Gandy is a transformational speaker, Love Relationships Mentor; Business Consultant, Personal Success Coach, and Founder of The Love Academy relationships transformation courses for women and Men-tality for men. She’s been featured in publications such as Oprah’s O magazine, Ebony, Essence, Black Enterprise, Woman’s Day, Romance Travel, and Heart & Soul, and featured in newspapers such as the New York Daily News, Atlanta Metro, the Seattle Times, Sacramento Bee, Chicago Defender, and the Chicago Crusader.
She’s been a popular guest on over 55 radio shows, and also featured on TV on CNN, CNN Live, Good Day New York, Good Morning Texas, The Better Show, Washington D.C’s Good Day D.C., numerous regional morning shows, C-SPAN, and the Wisdom Channel. She’s Founder and Creator of The Love Academy, where her revolutionary relationship teachings have reached over 2,000 women and men. She’s been seen on websites such as Oprah.com; Essence.com; Redbook.com; Jetmag.com; Beliefnet.com; msn.com; SoulofAmerican.com; and BMWK.com; and is one of the hosts of TBN’s Public Report TV show on station KTBW Seattle/Tacoma.
Her newest book, The Love Lies, is catalyst for a Relationships Revolution – a movement to free us and detox us from the Love Lies, and create juicy, satisfying relationships and marriages world-wide. www.MillionDollarMentor.netÂ www.DidYouBuyTheLoveLies.com
By Debrena Jackson Gandy